Oh, of COURSE....silly me.

"What's going on here?", I ask.



















"My spider is eating.", is my 3-year-old's answer.















"Dog food?"
"Well, we don't have spider food, do we?"

Invasion

I don't know if it was this guy....

Or this guy....

But some demon virus took over our computer for days.

Locked up.  Totally incapacitated.

My world was rocked.  At least until my husband brought his computer home in the evenings..and I would hi-jack it for a few minutes to check e-mail! 

But thanks to the exorcism gifts and talents of someone way smarter than me (thank you, Jonathan!), our precious computer is back up and running...and (as far as I can tell) healthy again.  

It's been very traumatic.  

Now I can resume life as normal.      

Stylistically challenged....

I'm not even sure if "stylistically" is a word, but you get the idea.  And I sort of have a sense of humor about my dilemma.  However...

I am challenged.  C-H-A-L-L-E-N-G-E-D, I tell you.

For 6 years, I have been wearing yoga pants and tennis shoes or flip flops.  I've been content.  I've worn them because that's almost all I own.  And I've been happy that way.  They are comfy.  They stretch.  They fit me on skinny days...and not skinny days. 

Now, due to my going back to work, I have to actually buy real clothes.  Like shoes that grown-ups wear.  Every single day.

So I go into stores...and stare.  And walk around aimlessly...and stare some more. 
There are reasons for this malfunction:
(1)  All I've needed to function in my daily life for 6 years are...you guessed it.....yoga pants.
(2)  I haven't spent money on clothes in 6 years....due to our desire to get out of debt.  I have not shopped.  Period.

I realized very quickly....I'm no longer hip.  I never thought I be that.  Un-hip.

So, now I'm pretending to know what I'm doing clothes-wise...but I don't.  I'm trying to get educated, so as to not stay un-hip.  I'll let you know how it's going. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another way I know I am stylistically challenged is this:
I decided that before I start working full time, I will finish up all those little nagging unfinished home projects that take up space in our garage and zap me of much emotional energy.

Here's my dilemma:

See, I love this look:

It's fresh and clean.

And this look:
It's simple and cozy.

And this look:

As you can see, I'm like the "Sybil" of design.  I like all of them. 

I especially like this:



















Lately I've been painting everything that isn't nailed down.....and I've been painting it black.  Yep.  Because that's the color paint I have.  And black goes with everything, right?  Right...???? 

I AM CHALLENGED, I TELL YOU.  I am confused as to which "look" I want...and how to make my house have that look with limited funds. I'm concerned I don't have the eye. 

I love the light and airy look of whites.  But I live in a testosterone-filled home...is that practical for this time in our lives?  And I'm married to a man that would love to live in a lodge in Colorado...or Pioneer Woman's guest lodge.  So, I'm trying to merge all those styles. 

I guess I'll have to create my own style. 

Where is this girl when you need her?  Or this one?  Why can't she be my neighbor?  Or these girls, my best friends?

I persevere.  I will move forward and just do what feels right in our home.  If the black is too dark somewhere, then I'll move it...or paint it again.  God help me.....

Tomorrow I'll invite you in to our home.  I'll show you where I feel challenged. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lastly, look at the beauty that the Lord gave us last week...in TEXAS!  Amazing. 

After I finished my two minutes of grumbling that the boys would be home with me since the schools were closed...and my to-do list was a mile long, I then reveled in it.  And enjoyed the wonderment of it with my two little guys.  We had a ball! 

"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow..."  Isa. 1:18

~The Journey~

Journeys can be adventuresome, or troublesome or both at once.  They can seem so large that all you can do is seek...and wait...and seek some more.

That's where I am.  And that's where I've been since January 18th when I last blogged. 

I wrote my first blog post ever on January 31, 2009.  That was my first experience ever with writing for anyone but myself to read.  It's been spectacular...and scary...and humbling....and insecure....all in one big ball of blog.

I have ebbed and flowed with ideas, proud moments of posting, and moments of asking myself, "why did I just hit the 'post' button??? that was less than a good post." 

I have come to realize I am a slow processor.  I have to clearly feel a "leading" to write something, or it won't happen well...and I'll regret posting it. 

So with the past few weeks, I am sitting and processing.  Amazingly, I have mentioned many times in this blog in the past year how life has seemed 'big' and 'overwhelming'.   It HAS been.  Financial struggles and huge spiritual growth issues can seem 'big' and 'overwhelming'. Incredibly, this year of 'bigness' has coincided with my blog writing.  Coincidence?  I think not.

I opened my blog a few days ago on January 31st wanting to acknowledge that my 'anniversary' was here.  I was incapacitated.  Words were not there.

Here's some words today as to where I am:

(1)  I am sorting out all my feelings about returning to work.  What an amazing  interesting journey.  Not only am I sorting out my feelings about it, I'm putting together resumes, and trying to figure out what job I am to hold.  What I have learned in two weeks:  I have been panicked and holding on so tightly to where I think I am to be.  As of today, Feb. 1st, by God's grace, I am letting go and letting Him direct me.  It's much more peaceful that way, by the way. 

I am also sorting out what I can contribute to the 'outside world'....realizing how locked up I am about my value or contribution in life.  By God's grace, He is setting me free of that as well.  I'm not fully there yet.  I am, however, on a journey of discovering who I am as a woman.  Not a Mom.  A woman of God. 

(2)  At the same time, as God would have it, something from my past has been dug up.  God's timing for this to emerge NOW, along with everything else we're currently going through, is beyond me, but I do see His hand in it all.  So I plow forward, grow up in it, deal with it and heal. 

(3)  At the very same time, God has my marriage in a huge growth time.  Amazing growth.  It has been a good marriage for over 7 years .  Now our marriage is growing up in some hard areas to become great.  Again, why now?  I dare not ask.  I'm just excited to see where we're going.

There.  Blah.  Truth be told.  No cutesy kid pictures this time.  No beautiful 'journey' pictures to post. Not as interesting, I know.  But I don't have the time or energy to add either right now.  If you're still with me at the end of this post, thanks. I'm honored you read.