I don't think I ever consciously thought (or admitted out loud), "Am I significant?" "Am I enough?" "Do people like me?" "Do they choose me?"
I am discovering that my life has been full of search for significance.
And how, I'm discovering, this plays out in my immediate life is.....
"Is my home nice enough?"
"Are my children well behaved enough?"
"Does my husband tell me enough that he thinks I'm doing a great job at this mothering thing?"
"Will so-and-so think that what I just said was stupid?"
"Will my new community group judge me if they really know me?"
"Will my Bible Study group think I'm spiritual enough?"
"Am I creative enough?"
"Am I organized enough?"
And it even plays out in blogging..."Is my blog interesting or "captivating" enough?
I'm tired of trying so hard. Even though I am just now realizing (or naming it) that I have been trying so hard.
I think it's high time to truly grow up and find my significance in Christ alone....the one who truly, deeply knows and loves me anyway.
To Him, my home is nice enough. He provided it. He wants us to fill it with the things that matter: love and forgiveness for each other, hospitality to others and instruction to our children about living a life that is honoring to Him.
To Him, my children's hearts are more important than their behavior.
To Him, my heart for my husband is more important to God than what Bill says or doesn't say to me on a daily basis.
To God, I don't have to be spiritual enough, or creative enough, or more witty or insightful...He loves me just as I am. He made me. His desire for me is that my heart is right before Him.
To God, this blog is provided as a way to journal thoughts, stories and family photos. It's an outlet of expression. I can so easily get caught up in the comparison game, but God wants me to be honoring in what I say. Period. Honoring to Him. Honoring to my husband and family.
The search for significance....the term has been used so much and yet the "solution" is still sought after. We still play our lives for an audience that doesn't truly matter. What matters is what GOD thinks of me. What matters is how HE sees me. Even when the voices in the world are loud, God's voice is to be heard louder.
How do we do that?
We fill our heart and head with TRUTH...God's Word. And we run over it again and again and again in our hearts and minds. We bank our life on it. We live by it. We claim it.
And everytime we pick up our script and start playing life to the larger audience, and discover that it doesn't work, we go back to where the Truth is and fill our hearts and heads again. And we do this as much as it takes to find significance in Christ alone.
...Be made new in the attitude of your minds...