~How lovely...~

I don't know about you...but sometimes God just has to whack me over the head to get my attention.  How unfortunate for me, right?  You would think I would've learned by now to listen daily and closely, so as to spare myself much anxiety.  Oh well....my stubborness keeps me learning and growing, I suppose. 

I went to a luncheon with my Mom as her guest recently.  At the end of the luncheon, there was a random drawing (which I am fully convinced there is no such thing as random) and I won!  What fun.  What had I won??  Glad you asked.  This book:

How nice.  I really like Beth Moore.  I like her heart and of course, her love for the Lord.  But one more book to read?  Seriously.  I barely have time to bathe.  By God's grand providence, I opened it one day and began to read.  I wish I could say that God whacked me over the head with the turning of each page.  Nope.  

I read...and read...and read.  Beth had some interesting little points.  And of course, I was learning nuggets about my insecurities.  But for the most part, I felt I was so blessed to be a fairly confident woman.  How lucky.  

Slowly, God began to uncover my tightly closed eyes.  I began to really SEE areas in my life that I am  insecure.  Now, I understand that all women struggle, to some degree or another.  And fortunately, mine are not blatantly screaming insecurities...or an out-of-control daily struggle.  They are more hidden.  But still as serious.  

But thank GOD I don't struggle ~ at all ~ with being insecure with my man.  (Ahem) 

Last weekend, my husband's work sent us on an all-expense PLUSH weekend in Savannah, GA.  It was wonderful...and such a sweet time with Bill.  No kids.  (Hallelujah!)  At this work weekend, we met 30 or so couples from around the United States who do similar work.  We met some wonderful people.  

We also met her. 

• 
  
  Now, I'm tall and blonde...and feel I can generally "hold my own" in a crowd.  So is she ~ taller, blonder (no, not really) and can "own the crowd". 
• 
  
  I run.  I mean, I got up each day in Savannah and went for a run.  She's a marathoner. 
• 
  
  I have a home based business.  She is a corporate company owner.  (Uh, hello....getting the picture? Shall I go on???) 
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  I have a general appreciate for sports.  She has an unrealistic love and craziness for sports.  This led into in-depth conversations and much fist-pumping with my sports crazed husband.  (I mean, really?!) 
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  And let's not get into what that girl can do to a swimsuit.....

So what's my point?  WHAM!  God brought me face-to-face with my total insecurity! There is no denying now that I have the ability to struggle.  

We all do.  It's life.  But I am thankful for God's whammies!  I am thankful He doesn't leave me stuck.  I am thankful for Beth Moore's obedience to write this book.  It speaks to my heart.  

We are all so precious to our Father.  Only in Him can we be fully secure.  I don't have time to go into her whole book and the practicalities of how to make that happen in our lives (that's why she has 18 chapters to do that).  But this verse meant so much to me this very morning when reading her book.  I've never seen it quite in this light:  

 How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty!  Ps. 84:1

If we are truly indwelt by Him, his Word says "we are lovely".  I don't know about you, but I love that. 

I encourage you to add this book to your reading list.  It might just be worth your time.  Or you may get whammied.   (Enjoy!) 

~Back to life~

Here I sit at the computer....on resurrection day.  The resurrection of this blog, that is.  Thanks to two of my sweet girlfriends (you know who you two are...), I "reconsidered" this blog.  This is what I've prayerfully come up with...

This will be my place to document my family, my heart and my love for and walk with the Lord.  I decided this blog should be written for my kids.  I want them to be able to see their life (since I'm a terrible photo-album-keeper/scrapbooker!), and I want them to truly know me.  Since at this time in their lives, my "job" is to be their Mom and not their best friend, I want them to be able to look back and hear my heart for them...and for the world the Lord has put us in.  So this is for them.  And me.  And you, if the Lord so chooses.

It's not to impress.  I will not allow myself to get trapped in comparisons.  I will not struggle to speak, if the Lord hasn't put something on my heart.  It's His, mine and my kids.  If you want to take the journey with us, we're blessed.  If not, we're still blessed. 

Right at this moment, I have a broken camera.  So I don't have the ability to take new pictures.  This could cause me much "blog anxiety".  But it is what it is.  And I give that anxiety over to the One who can free me from it.  For now, I'll just write until I can photograph, too.

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How me and my family have been since March:

(1)Healthy
(2)Growing in our trust of Almighty God each and every day.  We're still "touch and go" with paychecks.  They are spotty at best.  Some months (okay, only one month in the past 8) are feast, while most are famine.  But God knows exactly where we are.  And that's where He currently chooses for us to be.  So I trust.  I wait.  I do the next right thing daily.  And wait some more.  And know that God is good.
(3)The boys are changing, growing.  They are little people now.  Little people with wills of their own.  Hearts of gold.  Hugs that would melt a glacier.  Smiles that are heartwarming.  They are discovering who God is.  What his Word is...and means in our daily lives.  They are learning daily what it means to need God, by dealing with their own hearts bent towards rebellion, as are all of our hearts.
(4)My husband and I are working...lots.  He is continuing to press on in his line of work.  God is opening doors and will bless as He sees fit.  It's all in His hand.  I have re-picked up a home business I used to work when the boys were tiny and it's been fun to see God bless it.  I keep eyeballing Him.  He's never steered me wrong yet...in all my 40 years of livin'. 
 (5)Lastly, Bill and I are just enjoying being married.  We're relishing being parents.  We laugh a lot about the things our kids do ~ things that are easy and things that are "difficult".  We know this time is momentary...fleeting.  He's a great leader, that man.  And God love him...he puts up with me.  Not only that, he loves me well.

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I'm going to bed now.  I'm tired.  And grateful.  And blessed.

Life IS full and my heart will always stay simple~

Simply put....I will be retiring this blog.  For now, at least.  Maybe always.  I need to figure out if I will maintain it down the line as a family blog ~so our relatives and close friends can keep up with our busy lives.  But for now, it won't be happening. 

God has taken us on a journey with debt pay-off, financial challenges, parenting and such.  I have shared a lot of this with you along the way.  And the journey continues.  We're still in the thick of it.  There should be so much to write about everyday.  My thoughts should be overflowing.  They are not.

This tells me that I need to focus all my energy and prayers on the specific things in our lives that we are fully devoted to right now, in order survive thrive during this time.  And of course, my family stays as my main daily activity.

I will follow the Lord and my heart on this.....and maybe I'll be back one day.  Maybe I'll do another blog entirely.  I don't know.  But I do know I'll still be reading yours every chance I get (if you have one). 

Thank you for following!  And blessings upon blessings to you~

Oh, of COURSE....silly me.

"What's going on here?", I ask.



















"My spider is eating.", is my 3-year-old's answer.















"Dog food?"
"Well, we don't have spider food, do we?"

Invasion

I don't know if it was this guy....

Or this guy....

But some demon virus took over our computer for days.

Locked up.  Totally incapacitated.

My world was rocked.  At least until my husband brought his computer home in the evenings..and I would hi-jack it for a few minutes to check e-mail! 

But thanks to the exorcism gifts and talents of someone way smarter than me (thank you, Jonathan!), our precious computer is back up and running...and (as far as I can tell) healthy again.  

It's been very traumatic.  

Now I can resume life as normal.      

Stylistically challenged....

I'm not even sure if "stylistically" is a word, but you get the idea.  And I sort of have a sense of humor about my dilemma.  However...

I am challenged.  C-H-A-L-L-E-N-G-E-D, I tell you.

For 6 years, I have been wearing yoga pants and tennis shoes or flip flops.  I've been content.  I've worn them because that's almost all I own.  And I've been happy that way.  They are comfy.  They stretch.  They fit me on skinny days...and not skinny days. 

Now, due to my going back to work, I have to actually buy real clothes.  Like shoes that grown-ups wear.  Every single day.

So I go into stores...and stare.  And walk around aimlessly...and stare some more. 
There are reasons for this malfunction:
(1)  All I've needed to function in my daily life for 6 years are...you guessed it.....yoga pants.
(2)  I haven't spent money on clothes in 6 years....due to our desire to get out of debt.  I have not shopped.  Period.

I realized very quickly....I'm no longer hip.  I never thought I be that.  Un-hip.

So, now I'm pretending to know what I'm doing clothes-wise...but I don't.  I'm trying to get educated, so as to not stay un-hip.  I'll let you know how it's going. 
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Another way I know I am stylistically challenged is this:
I decided that before I start working full time, I will finish up all those little nagging unfinished home projects that take up space in our garage and zap me of much emotional energy.

Here's my dilemma:

See, I love this look:

It's fresh and clean.

And this look:
It's simple and cozy.

And this look:

As you can see, I'm like the "Sybil" of design.  I like all of them. 

I especially like this:



















Lately I've been painting everything that isn't nailed down.....and I've been painting it black.  Yep.  Because that's the color paint I have.  And black goes with everything, right?  Right...???? 

I AM CHALLENGED, I TELL YOU.  I am confused as to which "look" I want...and how to make my house have that look with limited funds. I'm concerned I don't have the eye. 

I love the light and airy look of whites.  But I live in a testosterone-filled home...is that practical for this time in our lives?  And I'm married to a man that would love to live in a lodge in Colorado...or Pioneer Woman's guest lodge.  So, I'm trying to merge all those styles. 

I guess I'll have to create my own style. 

Where is this girl when you need her?  Or this one?  Why can't she be my neighbor?  Or these girls, my best friends?

I persevere.  I will move forward and just do what feels right in our home.  If the black is too dark somewhere, then I'll move it...or paint it again.  God help me.....

Tomorrow I'll invite you in to our home.  I'll show you where I feel challenged. 

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Lastly, look at the beauty that the Lord gave us last week...in TEXAS!  Amazing. 

After I finished my two minutes of grumbling that the boys would be home with me since the schools were closed...and my to-do list was a mile long, I then reveled in it.  And enjoyed the wonderment of it with my two little guys.  We had a ball! 

"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow..."  Isa. 1:18

~The Journey~

Journeys can be adventuresome, or troublesome or both at once.  They can seem so large that all you can do is seek...and wait...and seek some more.

That's where I am.  And that's where I've been since January 18th when I last blogged. 

I wrote my first blog post ever on January 31, 2009.  That was my first experience ever with writing for anyone but myself to read.  It's been spectacular...and scary...and humbling....and insecure....all in one big ball of blog.

I have ebbed and flowed with ideas, proud moments of posting, and moments of asking myself, "why did I just hit the 'post' button??? that was less than a good post." 

I have come to realize I am a slow processor.  I have to clearly feel a "leading" to write something, or it won't happen well...and I'll regret posting it. 

So with the past few weeks, I am sitting and processing.  Amazingly, I have mentioned many times in this blog in the past year how life has seemed 'big' and 'overwhelming'.   It HAS been.  Financial struggles and huge spiritual growth issues can seem 'big' and 'overwhelming'. Incredibly, this year of 'bigness' has coincided with my blog writing.  Coincidence?  I think not.

I opened my blog a few days ago on January 31st wanting to acknowledge that my 'anniversary' was here.  I was incapacitated.  Words were not there.

Here's some words today as to where I am:

(1)  I am sorting out all my feelings about returning to work.  What an amazing  interesting journey.  Not only am I sorting out my feelings about it, I'm putting together resumes, and trying to figure out what job I am to hold.  What I have learned in two weeks:  I have been panicked and holding on so tightly to where I think I am to be.  As of today, Feb. 1st, by God's grace, I am letting go and letting Him direct me.  It's much more peaceful that way, by the way. 

I am also sorting out what I can contribute to the 'outside world'....realizing how locked up I am about my value or contribution in life.  By God's grace, He is setting me free of that as well.  I'm not fully there yet.  I am, however, on a journey of discovering who I am as a woman.  Not a Mom.  A woman of God. 

(2)  At the same time, as God would have it, something from my past has been dug up.  God's timing for this to emerge NOW, along with everything else we're currently going through, is beyond me, but I do see His hand in it all.  So I plow forward, grow up in it, deal with it and heal. 

(3)  At the very same time, God has my marriage in a huge growth time.  Amazing growth.  It has been a good marriage for over 7 years .  Now our marriage is growing up in some hard areas to become great.  Again, why now?  I dare not ask.  I'm just excited to see where we're going.

There.  Blah.  Truth be told.  No cutesy kid pictures this time.  No beautiful 'journey' pictures to post. Not as interesting, I know.  But I don't have the time or energy to add either right now.  If you're still with me at the end of this post, thanks. I'm honored you read.