Thursday, May 28, 2009

Not so simple heart at times...

Simplicity does not equal discontent. I may not fully grasp what having a simple heart is...but I know what it is not.

Confession: every so often, I get this twinge...ok...maybe a pain of discontent. I know this isn't pleasing to the Father who has blessed me beyond measure, but it is something I have to be mindful about keeping in check.

I soooo desire to live in a place where there are 4 full seasons. If you don't live in Texas, then you may not realize that in Texas,there are only 2. They are "icicle-cold" and "Texas torture-hot". Every once in awhile, we have these amazing, incredibly perfect days that I just relish. And then I become envious of whoever out there lives in a place that feels like THAT in spring. In other words, they have a full spring.

My husband knows that every time we travel, I get this way. He still takes me places, but I'm sure he braces himself for my mood that will soon strike. I actually love going to other places and seeing homes that are sprawled out. Property with trees. Property that doesn't have a kitchen window overlooking the neighbor's bathroom window.

For some reason, God has given me the insatiable desire to be where we can spread out...have a huge vegetable garden....let the boys run, explore, enjoy the OUTSIDE without fear of speeding cars or someone running off with them.

In time...maybe...when our finances are in order...maybe when my amazingly brilliant husband can figure out a way for his big-city job to accommodate his wife's desire for country life....maybe then...everything will line up for me to live in the country farmhouse I dream about.

Or maybe not. And is that okay? Can I line that up inside me?

My Father knows my heart. He gave it to me. He's also big enough to handle my conversations of longing. But I suppose He wants me to be mindful of my discontent and to continually ask for His help. He wants me to be grateful and thankful that I am where He has me. To be mindful of His richest blessings in my life, right now, right where I am.

I look forward to seeing where He takes us...and what His timing looks like. But mainly, I look forward to seeing how He grows me up in the process.

Confession time over. I feel better now, thank you.

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