Monday, March 2, 2009

Small window in a big picture

I have an obsession with simplicity. In my (hopefully not too ill) mind, simple days are not cluttered with activity. There is apple pie cooling on the window sill. Children obey… immediately, when asked. Marriage is filled with laughter and romance. Ok…I know. I’m getting carried away. I’m not sure who’s reality THAT is, but it most likely doesn’t belong to the masses. AND…is that really “simplicity”…or is that a “fairy tale”?

Again…that takes me back to one of my previous posts, where the question was “is simplicity actually fairy tale situations?” OR “is simplicity a state of mind when circumstances are less than ideal?” I still don’t know the answer. You would think 3 entire weeks later I would have this concept completely licked.

My weekly reality is filled with budget talks, working 20-hour weekends part time, and a full time job around the clock being Mom to toddlers….piled up laundry….carpets that need vacuuming…menus that need planning…and the groceries needing to be purchased.

That reality is so far from my dream of simplicity.

I constantly tell my 4-year-old that he has the CHOICE of his attitude for that particular day. It dawned on me one day….so do I! So there is a constant (and healthy, I hope!) tension between my idea of simplicity (my fairy tale in my head), my reality and my attitude about it all.

That’s what the big picture of my crazy mind looks like.

In the small windows, there are scenarios that God is working in my life. One such area is my marriage. Please know, I have a really good marriage. I am married to a wonderful man. I am blessed beyond measure. Truly. But again, reality may not always be the fairy tale. There is always room to make things better, stronger, more focused.

Bill and I watched the movie Fireproof last night. It was such a sweet, feel-good movie about God’s amazing love for us…and His ability to heal and redeem us and our marriages.

I have also started the 40 day Love Dare (mentioned in the movie). I’m on Day 4. It is a challenge to help us truly grasp what it looks like to love our spouse the way GOD intends us to. I’ll keep you posted each week on how it is going.

But for now, I will give the small scenarios and the big picture to God every day…and hold on tightly to His leading. Maybe then, I’ll even be able to enjoy some of that simple chaos in my daily life.

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